Brain Farts #1

  • Ever wonder why a doctor calls his/her office a "practice"? It's because s/he is practicing the fine art of medicine on YOU!
  • Any time I hear the words "health plan" or "dental plan," I immediately think, "My plan is to stay the fuck away from needing your services for as long as I can, thankyouverymuch!"
  • The only way I can stomach greedy insurance companies is by reassuring myself that a special place in hell is reserved just for them — right next to corrupt politicians, smarmy lawyers, sleazy businessmen, and other assholes that make life a little more annoying for the rest of us.

Things My Asshole Brain Does #1

Brain: *is overwhelmed and depressed by the state of the world and can't stop spinning as it tries processing all of this shit* 

Me: Hey! If we could just focus for a short while, we could write some of these thoughts  out and maybe that will help us process them. 

Brain: I can't focus. Can't stop spinning. The world...the end is nigh! 

Me: I know. Believe me, I know. But despite that, we should do something useful with the day. Maybe we could read a book instead. 

Brain: I'm not sure if I have the attention span for a book right now. I've been reading a lot of Twitter this morning, so anything more than 140 characters is just too much. 

Me: Yeah...we shouldn't have done that first thing in the morning. I think that's why we are where we are right now. What if we tried a new recipe? 

Brain: Not hungry.  

Me: But if we start now, we might be hungry by the time we're done.  

Brain: What would we make? 

Me: Well, we'd have to find a recipe.  

Brain: And do research?  

Me: Yeah! 



Me: Or we could just microwave something for lunch.  

Brain: Hey, let's see what's going on in the world!

Me: *sighs, opens Twitter, wastes the entire day reading and fending off anxiety attacks*

New Year, New Blog

I did it again. I started a blog with good intentions, wrote a few things, and then effectively ignored it for well over a year. 

So I'm doing it again.

I'm starting a new blog with the intention of cataloging some of the unusual things my brain concocts, hence the name "Brain Farts." My vision going in is that these will be short snippets of random things. Sorry, I can't specify beyond that. I have no idea what will appear here and I'm going in with an open mind. My hope is you'll find these thoughts relatable and entertaining. If you're looking for deeper content in longer form, I recommend books.

The other title I had in mind was "Things My Asshole Brain Did to Me Today," and maybe some of those moments will leak in here as well.

Join me, won't you? Let's see what happens.

©2017 and Charlynn Schmiedt. All rights reserved.