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It appalls me that McDonald’s now serves what it calls “gourmet” coffee. They serve some of the most processed, unhealthy food on the planet and I’m supposed to believe that they make a decent cup of espresso? I call bullshit.

As a former barista, I know what makes a delicious shot of espresso. You need high-quality beans roasted to perfection, ground just to the right consistency. You need to know just how much espresso makes for a good shot for your machine, and it should be tamped properly. Your machine must be in perfect working order: It should be clean, it should apply just the right amount of pressure, and the water temperature in your boiler must be at a certain range (hot, but not too hot). If all of that goes well, your machine will brew you a shot with the perfect amount of crema. No crema=bad, bitter shot. Something wasn’t right.

Brewing a perfect shot is not foolproof by any means, and even the best of baristas will brew a stinker from time to time. That’s why mass-producers like Starbucks now have the machines that brew the shots all on their own. It takes the art (and thus, the skill) out of the whole damn thing. But like all corporations, Starbucks would rather serve mediocre consistency if it means reducing human error. It might not be amazing, but at least you know what you’re getting.

For those of us that are purists, however, a mediocre cup of coffee is downright insulting. So imagine how my blood boils when I think about a McDonald’s employee putting together a “premium” coffee drink when s/he can barely work the register and keep the line moving. I hope this McDeavour fails miserably.