It took me long enough, but I finally have another post on Rachel’s site, the-f-word.org, where I discuss my mixed feeling about my relationship with Jillian. Have a look.
It’s not you, Jillian, it’s me. Wait…no, it is you.
Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
An open letter to Jillian Michaels
Thursday, April 30th, 2009Dear Jillian Michaels,
Even though I don’t watch a lot of prime time TV, I know that you’re a hell of a trainer on The Biggest Loser. My husband and I canceled our gym membership in January and Wii Fit just hasn’t been getting the job done, so I decided that we should give your workout DVDs a try. My sister recommended them. She says they kick her ass, and I figured that if they challenge her athletic, muscular and flexible body, then they’d kill me. So I ordered a trio off Amazon.
They arrived in the mail this morning and I tried your “Burn Fat Boost Metabolism” cardio workout just a couple of hours ago. I knew it would be a challenge, and…damn. About twenty minutes in, I felt like passing out and had to take a break. After that, my already exhausted muscles made my motions look halfassed. You said that nothing should be done with anything less than full effort, and as horrible as I looked, the truth is that I really was giving it all I had. I am unfortunately just that out of shape. I’m glad you couldn’t see me. You would have laughed.
I’m also glad you didn’t see all the times I flipped you off and called you and your demonstrators mean names. I wasn’t really angry at you. I was simply coming to the realization that my body is ridiculously weak and sometimes the pain of my throbbing muscles was too much. I had to vent somehow. I am also insanely jealous of your helpers, who can do a perfect split. Those bitches are flexible!
Now that I am done with my first workout and feel completely, uh, worked out, I know I’ll be coming back for more. I’ll keep doing this fucker until I can make it through the entire thing without needing a break and completely keeling over from exhaustion at the end. And damn, if this doesn’t transform my body into a well-sculpted, efficiently running machine, I have no idea what will. It’s on.
Sincerely, your new, weak piece of crap fan,
Charlynn
P.S. – My husband also did the workout and now I feel a little better knowing that he didn’t make it through the entire thing without needing a break, either. It’s not just me – it’s just that much of a challenge. And he called you all bitches, too.
