Most things about adult life aren’t that great. It’s a never-ending stream of work, bills, stress and problems. When the cycle isn’t making you feel like you’re gonna lose it, it’s downright monotonous – cleaning house, anyone?
I remember thinking when I was a kid, “I can’t wait to be an adult! Just let me grow up already!” Now I think, “The kid version of me was fucking stupid!” Of course, I wasn’t thinking of all the crazy shit you must deal with as an adult when I seriously thought I was independent, responsible and competent enough to be an adult at the ripe old age of 10. I was just thinking of the fun stuff.
Some of that stuff really is cool now that I’m an adult. My ten-year-old self would be jealous that I can now do the following:
Eating what I want, when I want it: Ice cream for breakfast? Cereal for dinner? Taco Bell at 3 a.m.? Sure, why the hell not?
Hair color is subject to change at any time for no reason: I soooooo wanted to play with hair dye starting at age nine. That desire didn’t fade until I actually did dye my hair at 18, when mom was helpless against the law acknowledging my free will and she could no longer ground me for disobeying her just because she didn’t want me to do it.
Legal milestones: I can vote, get drunk off my ass, and then get a tattoo I’ll regret – all in the same day.
People taking me seriously, even when they shouldn’t: Adults have a tendency to put their guard up when they’re dealing with a teenager because there’s always that suspicion that the teenager is just fucking around and/or causing trouble regardless what they’re really doing. I absolutely hated it when someone would treat me like a criminal just because I was an adolescent. It’s a stereotype that isn’t true because people of all ages are constantly fucking with each other.Nevertheless, it just so happens that if you’re an adult and you’re talking with another adult, somehow you’re more likely to be taken at face value. It’s such a crock, but whatever. I’ll take what I can.
(Not) going to school: Sure, you can go to school as an adult, and most of us do at some point in our lives. When you’re a kid, however, school is mandatory. You’re there whether you like it or not. As an adult, you have much more choice when it comes to your education, be it vocational training or a PhD. You can take ten years fulfilling degree requirements or you can barrel through in four years or less. Don’t like math? Choose a track with as little math as possible. Try doing that in the fifth grade.
Too bad work replaces school when you’re an adult, but nothing’s perfect.
Spending my life on the Internet: My 10-year-old self wasn’t aware of the existence of the Internet, but if she did, she’d be just as stoked and obsessed about it as I was when I learned about it at 13.
And finally,
As age increases, awkwardness decreases: The days of first dates, friend drama, first-time serious relationships and other awkward social situations are long gone, and thank goodness for that. If nothing else, time helps us deal with uncomfortable, mysterious situations much better than when we knew nothing about social customs. Life doesn’t feel as weird with age, and there’s no way in hell I’d go back.
Things I Want to Punch in the Face
