Wow, so many things have been going on lately! Let me bring you up to speed.
Patrick and I are no longer married. I know this is a huge shocker to most of you, but the truth is that we’ve been driving each other crazy for years and neither of us could take it anymore. I’ll miss him, but I think it’s the best thing for both of us. It will be a lot easier sharing custody of Teddy if we remain friends.
I’m also quitting school. Yes, I know I’m a semester away from graduation, but I must think about this realistically. Who was I kidding when I thought I could pass Latin? Only myself, I’m afraid. Now that reality’s hit, I’ve accepted it. I’m just not meant to be a college graduate. It’s time to accept that and move on, so that’s exactly what I am doing.
I will be moving back to Casper next week. I don’t have an apartment yet, but I know I’ll need some fast money if I want to put down a deposit on a decent place. I figure a few nights at the North 40 strip club will not only give me the money I need for a place to live, but provide the money I’ll need for the drug habit I’ll quickly acquire as a prerequisite for working at a place like that. I haven’t decided whether I’ll try cocaine or meth first.
As soon as I have a place to live, I’ll focus on my next mission: finding me a sugar daddy. I don’t care if he’s a completely abusive asshole; I’ll marry the first rich man I meet and marry him only for the money. I’ll move into his bigass house, drive a BMW, and no matter how unhappy I am, I’ll be sure to have at least a couple of his kids so he’ll have to pay alimony if we split. Then I know I’m set.
And if you’ve actually read this far and believed any word of this post, you are an…
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APRIL FOOL!